playlist of my life

Today I was listening to ... and I was ...

A Lonely Voice-October Project- I am with Jay on many road trips from UT to CO, to OR to OK etc..

African Alphabet-Ladysmith Black Mambazo, (from Songs from the street, Sesame street) packing in OR to move to OK leaving our little "ski Lodge"

All This Time-Sting- I am moving from OK to CO feeling so free and scared at the same time

Always on My Mind-Pet Shop Boys-I am here right now, moving, glad for music to "move to"

Babylon-David Gray-Provo UT -not moving to London, "the provo house" wood floors, old doors, beautiful windows

Beautiful Day-U2-I am in Payson Utah with Kaleen

Bittersweet-Big Head Todd & the Monsters- I am in CO, not committed to much, not sure where I am going, but loving Colorado, and at the same time its 2 years later and I am married pregnant with savanna visiting CO and at a concert at USAFA

Fast Sunday

My mom has told me that that when I was little, my dad said something about fasting, or being finished with his fast and I said "go fast again Daddy"-

Today was "Fast Sunday" for our ward - at the risk of sounding like I shouldn't
I am going to share this...

It has been a really really long time since I have fasted. It's been over two years with being pregnant and nursing. Two months ago, I kind of eased into it. I think that yesterday I started a little too early- it was the equivalent of going three meals instead of two; which was too much for me - I got a migraine and got really sick. So lesson learned ... don't go longer than you can go - do what is needful. It is not OK to get sick and cause myself to be a burden on my family!

What I really wanted to write about was the little thoughts and realizations that I had along the way-
We have a missionary in our ward who has a hurt knee- so bad that he may have to go home. We were fasting as a ward for his recovery. I was thoughtful about his circumstances, and had been prayerful.
BUT- I could not get my mind off of food- every time I passed the kitchen I wanted to put hand to mouth, out of habit. As I prepared the kid's dinner, I wanted to taste a little of this or a little of that. Lick the knife. (yes I know, bad example) After I got the kids to bed, I wanted to have a little "treat" from "MY" chocolate stash. And then same thing this morning, as I prepared things for the kids breakfast and snack before church, and put together our dinner in the crockpot.
It was such a habit for me to put hand to mouth, without another thought-
and boy was this painful.

How much extra am I consuming in a day?

I reminded myself that I was choosing to fast, and I had this thought-
I don't have to fast, I choose to do it. I am choosing to go without food right now.

Then this thought-
The pain, the ache, the withdrawing, are the same feelings that I encounter spiritually when I "choose" to not partake from the word of God daily. When I am not having my personal time in prayer and scripture study, my spirit aches.

There are times when I go along and I am on track ... and then something happens:
A change in schedule, kids get sick, whatever- I let my personal study go. I have to keep working at it for it to happen. (This is the same with our family devotionals by the way.)

So I looked up fasting on the internet and found some funny and insightful things. Then I found an article from 2001 that impacted me. I know that I had read this and probably heard it spoken before. But it touched me in a way that I had not felt before.

I printed it, and took it with me to church. I wanted to share what he taught, and record my thoughts- It's called:
"The Law of the Fast" by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin

He starts out with the account of a lawyer approaching Christ and asking, "What is the greatest commandment?" And Christ answered, "Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment.

And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets."

(Matthew 22:37-40)

I was wondering what this had to do with fasting, I kept reading.

Elder Wirthlin goes on to say that by fasting we are keeping the two greatest commandments.

I am still trying to make the connection. So I keep reading.

He says if we want our fasting to be more than just going without eating, we need to lift our hearts, our minds and our voices to our Father in Heaven.

He continues to describe how fasting and prayer can help develop courage and confidence. It can strengthen character and build self-restraint and discipline. We mature spiritually and emotionally and we gain a little more control over our worldly appetites and passions.

(Hmm I sure need that apparently!)

Then he continues:
"When we fast, brethren and sisters, we feel hunger. And for a short time, we literally put ourselves in the position of the hungry and the needy. As we do so, we have greater understanding of the deprivations they might feel."

I thought about the discomfort I felt of going this short while without snacking on the dinner preparations. and later on the "after-putting-kids-to-bed-treat."

Again, I kept reading:

"Some look at the overwhelming need in the world and think, What can I do that could possibly make a difference? I will tell you plainly one thing you can do. You can live the law of the fast and contribute a generous fast offering."

I for sure have felt that.

Elder Wirthlin then spoke of how our fast offerings are directly used to bless those in need ... every dollar! And when donations exceed local need they are passed along to help needs elsewhere.

He spoke of traveling the world, and the suffering and need he has seen of "millions of our Heavenly Father's children." And this is where it pierced me...

"Far too many in the world today—thousands upon thousands of families—experience want each day. They hunger. They ache with cold. They suffer from sickness. They grieve for their children. They mourn for the safety of their families. These people are not strangers and foreigners but children of our Heavenly Father. They are our brothers and our sisters. They are “fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God.” (Ephesians 2:19) Their fervent prayers ascend to heaven pleading for respite, for relief from suffering. At this very hour on this very day, some - are praying for the miracle that would allow them to surmount the suffering that surrounds them."

I thought of those I know, that are suffering, who are experiencing grief. I thought of the pain that I feel for them.

He posed the question- how much should we pay in fast offerings?

"Paying a generous fast offering is a measure of our willingness to consecrate ourselves to relieve the suffering of others."

Then he quoted Marion G. Romney
“Be liberal in your giving, that you yourselves may grow. Don’t give just for the benefit of the poor, but give for your own welfare. Give enough so that you can give yourself into the kingdom of God through consecrating of your means and your time."

Then Elder Wirthlin stated the blessings: "Fasting in the proper spirit and in the Lord’s way will energize us spiritually, strengthen our self-discipline, fill our homes with peace, lighten our hearts with joy, fortify us against temptation, prepare us for times of adversity, and open the windows of heaven."

He closed this by answering the questions that I was wondering in the begining about the 2 greatest commandments.

"As we live the law of the fast, we not only draw nearer to God through prayer, but we feed the hungry and care for the poor. Each time we do so, we fulfill both of the great commandments upon which “hang all the law and the prophets.”

I loved what I learned from this. I found it so interesting that I have heard this before, but today it had so much more meaning to me.

the last few weeks in photos part 2

I should probably do this in 3 parts, but I already loaded the photos..so it is what it is-LONG-




Before spring break I got to go to lunch with my sister Janelle and my mom (with the 2 littles)
It was so fun to be with her- we don't get to see each other very often-


Texas photos- spring break


the whole crew...all 8 kids together...we laugh and say look at all these humans- when we met and became friends, it was just the 4 of us- me, Jay, Donna, and her husband David- now look at what happened during the last 13 years!



Jack has had this loose tooth for so long- I have been wanting him to pull it ( I thought of you Hilary)-
But he just wouldn't. Somehow we got to talking about how much money the tooth fairy leaves in TX, and how much she leaves in OK- and it was more in TX-.then Jack remembered that he had not gotten more money the last time he lost a tooth in TX, would he get extra from the tooth fairy for forgetting? I said maybe. So he got to work- and then gave Donna a tissue- and she pulled it!
And what do you know, the tooth fairy left double the money, plus what she "forgot" last time!
That got Savanna working hard on hers, and making all kinds of deals like, what if I pull it on the car before we reach the OK/ TX line, does that count?
Tucker just plopped himself down in Daymon's lap while the kids were playing PS2- Daymon just lifted up his control over his head and kept right on playing.


Some of our kids plus a few friends at the park-
Savanna painting nails...


This last week I took Luke and Tucker with my Mom to the Crystal Bridge here in OKC- It really is beautiful, my sister got married here.

Tucker felt so big- he just strutted across this bridge-
It really made Luke nervous...he wanted me to hold Tucker's hand, which is so funny coming from him-
He kept saying "mom- I think you should grab Tucker, mom I think you need to get Tucker-"


There was this really cute girl all dressed up like a fairy- everyone was taking pictures- and adoring her
Tucker was not so sure- he just kept staring at her, trying to figure her out-





Savanna (far right)- playing the viola during her orchestra concert this week

She enjoys it, and is trying to decide whether to continue playing next year.
At the end of the concert, they had a "surprise" where the 5th grade students got to pick someone up to come up and they got to "teach" how to play- I was the one that got to go up... very funny-

the last few weeks in photos- part 1

Here are some photos of the last few weeks- things that the kids have done-things we see around us-

Love it when we see signs of spring-



Jack had an Amelia Bedilia project-he chose to make something the way she would- He wanted to make cheesecake. So he made a cake, cut out the middle and put cheese inside. Then on top of the regular frosting, he put shredded cheese. In this photo he is showing you his "chef's face"-
the funny thing about this, is that everyone actually ate the cake. I somehow missed the part that the kids were going to actually eat it. He said everyone like it!



Luke got to say the word of the week in the schools morning announcements on a monday, then again that friday in front of the school for roundup in the gym. "Joy- a very glad feeling, happiness, delight"- our family said this every morning the week before to practice it with him- and we kind of have adopted this as our family's word for the year. They had been practicing it in class, and after he would say the word of the week- he would just launch right into the quote of the week which was, "joy is not in things, it is in us"-

Standing with 3 other kids from his class, for the salute and pledge of the flags- they were so cute, being the youngest grade and standing up in front of the whole school-

Tucker with his Aunt Jennifer my brothers wife
Tucker has started giving the cheesiest grins- whenever I have the camera out, and I am just taking photos- he whips this smile out- even when I am trying to take photos of something else, he trys to get in front of the lens with this goofy grin, then wants to "see" what it looks like-

I got to go with Allyson and Kim to make beaded necklaces -Kim had "won" a night of beading at a service auction at church last year- and she finally was doing it. She asked me if I wanted to go with her the week before, and I looked forward to it all week- when things got crazy during the week, or the kids were driving me nuts, I just would repeat over and over in my mind- "you get to have break on friday"- we had so much fun- The woman that had us over, made a delicious meal, had the table set beautifully, and we had a blast getting to know her better, and staying up late-

Luke running under 2 other dancing cousins-this was not planned he was just running happily and he saw a "bridge" to run under..so glad I had my camera focused on him

Its an annual tradition on my side of the family to go to the Czech Hall every March to celebrate my youngest cousin's birthday- This year she turned 18! I can't believe that she is 18- I remember when she was born, and I was in high school-

Luke had so much fun this year- he was truly having a blast- He totally got into all the dancing-(um, more like creative running)brother and sister dancing

Its always a late night when we go- the Czech hall does not open until 8- so Jay stayed home with Tucker, who was already asleep before we left. We had so much fun-its a great place to go as a family-the live band, the fun dancing, kids can just be themselves, the chicken dance, the mexican hat dance..lots and lots of tuba polka music-

The kids got to dress up as their favorite book character-

savanna dressed up as-Louise Talbot-from Wishes kisses & pigs
Jack was George Beard-from Captain Underpaints
and Luke...his class was studying Fairy Tales and nursery rhymes and he picked the Youngest Goat from The 3 Billy Goats Gruff- I tried and tried to get him to pick something else..but he had his heart set on a billy goat- so the night before the kids were to dress up, my mom had been over watching Tucker for me, and she stayed to help me "make" this costume- everything came together quite nicely I think

The same day as the dress up day, Luke was recognized as a Sensational Citizen for his class-

Luke was so excited when we got out of the car and one of his friends was walking up at the same time- they both hugged and then grabbed hands, and walked this way until they got to the gym-
cute cub scouts-Jack being turned upside down to get his Bobcat badge- Its pinned upside down, and soon as he does a good deed he can turn it right side up


a few more to come....

what to eat wednesday- Pancakes

It's spring- and when it comes to food I think breakfast...like breakfast in bed or brunch.
Easter, Mothers day, my birthday... all great reasons to have a yummy breakfast.

Well, this recipe comes out a lot at dinner. It is Jay's "go to"- when my night is a little nutty. AND it is also great for breakfast time too! I am not sure where Jay got this, but my guess would be the internet.
The recipe is really so simple, just a few ingredients, that most have on hand all the time.



1 cup flour
1/4 cup sugar
1 heaping tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup whole milk
1/4 cup vegetable oil
1 egg or 1/4 cup egg substitute

Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, and baking soda: set aside.
In a separate large bowl, beat together milk, oil, and egg.
Slowly whisk dry mixture into wet mixture until mixed well. Do not over-mix.
Using a ladle, pour about 1/4 cup of batter at a time onto a skillet heated over medium heat.
When the edges appear to harden, flip the pancakes cook on the other side for same amount of time or until light brown.
(we usually double this)
I make these too, but they just do not taste the same as when Jay makes them.

today -

This morning I was on the treadmill listening to music and I was:

a fighter
a runner
a musician
a drummer
a vacationer
a dreamer
a backup singer
a lead singer
and I was alone.

I was in:
Eugene Oregon-walking beautiful trails by the river
Provo Utah-walking the hills around the Provo Temple
Chatham Massachusetts- in a jeep on the coast

I realized:
I can go anywhere I want.
I can be anything I want.
The reason I do my best creative work alone is because I am not worried about what others think.
I can let go of that fear of what others think.
My littlest one's screech matches the harmonica's highest pitch of the harmonica on
Take the Long Way Home-by Supertramp-



I listened to:
100 years-five for fighting
when its raining-the samples
when the starts go blue-tim mcgraw
these are days-10,000 maniacs
take the long way home-supertramp

Easter Photo recap

after seeing so many cute families with their cute kids and their cute matching outfits and all of the kids looking at the camera at the same time...I could hardly bring myself to look at my pictures!
But I pulled myself together and picked a few to post-I decided that the kids grandparents would rather see a photo of them all looking in different directions, than no photo at all-
so here we go...in my kids great attempts at being cute for the camera...

Savanna did good..she is smiling
I think Jack is trying to cover up his 2 front side teeth that are missing- I just love his toothless smile...I guess he does not.

ok- love this one...it shows him truly happy...not faking it

now here we have Tucker's new smile...please tell me this will be a short phase

all 3 boys have now worn these shoes for their 2nd easter...its a good thing easter came early this year-

After church we went and visited my Grandmother, then went to my brother's for dinner and the egg hunt with the cousins.




my niece did not want to be in the group photo- so had to get one of her by herself
Tucker thought that it was fun to go get eggs...