mothers day 2009

written 5/17/09



It started a little rocky. (there was some arguing between the boys-I might have raised my voice a little.) Toast in bed. (another argument between the boys) Signs posted around the house decorated with lots of color and words of love. (some more arguing between the boys-this time I definitely raised my voice) Flowers. A gift certificate for a massage next time I go to Texas. Jay was home. It was a relaxing (mixed with a little arguing) morning. My mom came over for early lunch. I made pasta salad the night before. I made Deb's Big Crumb Coffee cake and subbed blueberries instead of the rhubarb. (read Kristies funny commentary on her adventure with this dish)

I had thoughts of a mothers day 9 years ago. Provo Utah. We had late church that year too. My sister lived in the basement of the house we were living in. She helped with Savanna and Jack I got to sleep in. We had strawberry smoothies made in my new blender. I had a bath. I had a nap. All before church. I can still remember how peaceful the morning was. I was happy.

The last sentence. I was happy. I kept thinking about this all morning. I thought about my perception of that morning 9 years ago. The feelings I brought with me were of happiness. Is that what I would bring with me from this mothers day? What would the overall feeling be that I remembered? It would be entirely up to me.

I started thinking about a phrase I heard around the same time 9 years earlier. I had been reading a local magazine highlighting a Utah family. The author was haling this family as "utah's royalty"-and I laughed because I had no idea who they were. The author made a statement that hit me hard and I totally disagreed with. I know this phrase has been used all over the place-and probably used with good intentions. But it struck me deep- and has continued to come back to my mind over and over since I first read it.
In a round about way it was said:

"a good mother is only as happy as her saddest child."

This would put my happiness, my joy in the hands of someone else. I don't agree with with this at all, but often act like I do. My kids are sad, my kids argue, my kids have a bad day. I feel down, I feel distrought, I feel heavy and burdened. I continue to let the overall feeling carry on into my countenance. I have to choose what to do . Do I continue to carry those feelings, weighing me down, robbing me of Joy? I think that is exactly opposite of what our Father in Heaven wants us to do. We have to find a way to deal with negativity, and have compassion, and love towards others without it consumming us and determining our happiness.

date

3/7/09

Santa Clause

Written about December 2008- Jay's work does an open house every year with a visit from Santa and a gift for every child. I love these photos- especially since we did not get to go and the kids missed out on not only a visit with Santa but their gift as well.

guitar hero

2/23/09 (pics from Christmas 2008)

Crazy weather- written in February!

Crazy weather we have been having here!
We had weather where I was outside in a skirt sunning myself. In January.
Not even a week later we had an ice storm that canceled school for a couple of days.
Then throw in a few more days of sun. Then came the wind.
And a big storm.
I hurried out of walmart last tuesday after a woman sternly told me I needed to hurry and get out. The two littles and I laughed as we ran out of the store greated by the first few raindrops and made a game of it to see if we could get us and the groceries in the car before it really started raining. We did it. I noticed then that it did seem pretty dark, but kind of earily still. I called Jay to have him check on the weather. He said that there were not any warnings yet. We drove home and just as we got to the driveway the tornado sirens started going off. I hurriedly pushed all of the junk (that I have yet to pack up and put in the attic- still!) over to one side and pulled the van into the garage. I got Luke out and into the bathroom then pulled Tucker out of the car in his sleepy state and laid him on the floor of the bathroom. The sirens kept going on and off for the next 45 minutes or so. I talked with Jay, my mom came by and stayed for a few minutes, then it was time to go get the kids.




Little did I know that the kids were on lockdown for the storm- apparently it was bigger than I thought!

Jack's pinewood derby!

January 17. 2009

kindergarten caroling (2008)

Written 1-7-09 about an event in December 2008

I was lucky on this day to ride on the school bus with Luke to go caroling to an assisted living center. I was excited to go with Luke and happy to hear them sing. It all sounded so festive!
I was not prepared for the emotions I would experience. I had to walk around for a bit several times because I was getting teary eyed and a lump in my throat. As I saw all the residents I missed my Grandparents. I really felt the loss today.



mourning that which is gone
the sounds
the relationships
the canceling of the phone
not being able to hear nana anymore
my mom saying oh holy night was one of grandaddys favorites and not knowing it was
finally being able to cry
comfort and joy

Little Lamb

1/6/09

My friend Donna told me a story that cracked me up. When I told my kids they laughed just as hard.

Donna's husband David and their youngest daughter Darcy were looking at a picture on the front of a church magazine from December 2008.

It was a picture of Mary holding baby Jesus and a lamb.

David asked Darcy who the baby was. She said she did not know. David explained that it was Jesus. And she said "oh- then that is Mary, and she has a little lamb. Thats funny."

Mary had a little lamb ... get it?!

SPT-

Ready for the last SPT for 2009?!
Here you go ...







You don't see it?
My camera batteries were dead.
Grrrrrrrrrr.

Ovarian Cancer Walk

I had wanted to make ornaments from Julie's blog for our Red Envelope. The recipe called for applesauce but we did not have any. Thinking of not having applesauce to make the ornaments, made me want to make applesauce. I would make it to eat, not to use for the ornaments. So a few Sunday mornings ago, Jack and Luke helped me make applesauce, and it reminded me of the last time I had made applesauce. It was an early early, morning.


I got up early and made applesauce before meeting my sister and her family downtown for the Ovarian Cancer Walk- I say walk because that is what we did. There were plenty that were running. But our group was walking.

It was so early there was not a single car on the road.


I got there and got my shirt and sticker.

We only did the .5 walk. (no working up a sweat for this memory walk!)

My sister, Jennifer was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer almost 15 years ago.


She survived. I walked to support her.

I walked to support her husband.


I walked to support her daughter.

There was a time that our family thought she would never be able to marry- or have a child.





I walked with Jennifer and her family.

And a few of Jennifer's friends.

We visited with a lady who was walking with her niece. This woman's sister has ovarian cancer and was too sick to walk herself.


I walked this day not only for my sister, but for women like the lady above. For the family members that ovarian cancer touches.
For my Mom.
For my Dad.
For my sister Janelle.
For my brother Jamey.

When Jennifer found out she had cancer I had just gotten married and moved to Utah.
I can't say I know exactly what all my family went through. I had updates by phone, but I was not there. Each member of my family had their own experience of dealing with cancer. I remember how I felt when I got the call- and I felt so far away. I was far away. But the rest of my family was right in the middle of it.

I walked for Jennifer.
But also for the rest of my family.