Tuesday, April 30, 2013
What I don't regret
Savanna encouraged me to pick back up on writing. She even gave me an incentive. Can't let her down can I?
This is a post I started in 2011, back when I had braces, and a little boy still home with me part of the day, and then another post that I started in the spring of 2012.
I had been writing about Tucker and the things that we loved about him. He was starting pre-k soon and I had this overwhelming feeling that time was counting down until he was gone all day.
Tucker makes us laugh. I had someone ask me this summer, "Is Tucker always this funny?"
Yup- I think so. But a lot of the time he doesn't even know he is being funny/cute. I guess that is what is so fun about 4 and 5 year olds. They just don't know any better.
We were swimming and talking about going to Colorado, and Tucker said "That makes me think of that food. You know it's dark green on the outside and bright green on the inside and prickly and I don't like it." We thought and thought, I was asking everyone around me- I brought Luke and Jack over and finally one of them said "Do you mean avocado?" "Yup!"
I was telling Tucker no about something. He turned around and looked at me with the most serious face and said "You have made a bad decision." I kind of expected it to be like a game show and I would get water dumped on my head or hear a loud buzzer go off for giving the wrong answer!
We were passing by a yard that had dogs barking. He looked out at the dogs and he said "They are calling for me- they are saying, "Tucker, Tucker"- "They love me. All dogs love me."
Then I wrote this a year ago today ...
April 30, 2012
This wasn't what I thought I would write- Today I had an errand close to the school and as I was checking out I noticed a photo of a boy that I thought I recognized. He had lived in the children's center until he was 18 and I think he went to our school when Savanna was in elementary. I asked the man behind the counter about the boy. It was his son and he had just passed away this summer. We talked about his sons life and what he had been able to accomplish. We talked about this mans life and how he and his former wife worked together to care for their son once he had moved back home with the mom. How much love was given and time. As the man helped me with my purchase out to the car he shared with me how frustrating it is to see parents treat their kids rudely. To be short with them or to ignore them. He said its so hard to see because he would love to just have one day with his son again.
Today was Tucker's practice day for eating lunch at the school. I got a note last week announcing that Tucker's morning class would get to "practice"eating lunch in the cafeteria. He was excited. I had a
moment of disbelief. I mean, I know he is going to school next year. I know that he is going to be gone all day just like the older kids, but be gone for lunch? Well I hadn't thought about that. It made me feel a little out of sorts. I remember reading this from Cathy Zielskie last fall- and taking photos of our PB&J's to
remind me to enjoy this last year home with Tucker.
So today with Tucker having big boy lunch and then my conversation with the man at the store it has filled me with the feeling of wanting to turn back the clock. It got me thinking of things I regret. That list can grow pretty quickly when you are looking back in time to things that are impossible to change. Then to make myself feel better I started thinking of things I don't regret. Like eating lunch with Tucker. The times that I actually sat at the table and ate lunch with him without computer or other interruptions.
Fast Forward to now April 30, 2013
I can still feel those feelings of wanting to turn back the clock. I will never regret the pictures I took. I will never regret the times I sat at the table and talked with Tucker while we ate lunch. I don't regret writing down the funny things he said. I don't regret having the stories here on my blog. Thanks Savanna for the little nudge.