Monday, April 28, 2008

5 years ago

we measure time in increments and we count by 5's
this year our 3rd child turned 5-
his birthday is in January - for almost 1 whole calendar year he stays the same age
so for this whole year-2008...I will be thinking about 5 years ago...

the ultrasound-laying on the table with Savanna and Jack in the double stroller- seeing on the screen too much "space" around his lip and nose before the tech says anything- then hearing her say "did you say your husband had a cleft? This baby does too."

me calling Jay in Oregon- to tell him over the phone- wishing there was someway we could just be together right there at that moment.

people saying at least its not life threatening

drs. asking me about jay and how things were when he was born and not knowing

people saying it must be so reassuring that your husband has been through it
and how it wasn't

researching dr.s and interviewing

deciding who would operate, and what technique we would use

before birth, being so nervous and scared, and feeling so horrible that I felt that way

birth-how everything was just right, so-exactly- normal- as- can- be (emotionally)-everything was as it should be
feeding..the pumping around the clock and not being able to nurse

washing all the parts of the bottles- the nipples, and valves

not wanting to waste even the tiniest bit of that "white gold" (pumped breastmilk)

appointments-driving to Portland

handing Luke over for his impression of his mouth

handing Luke over for his 1st surgery-latham appliance

how long it took for him to eat, and how we rejoiced when he finally took to the bottle again
(never did I ever think I would be excited for a child to take a bottle)

turning the screw every day in his mouth to close the gap in his gums

handing Luke over for the 2nd surgery -lip repair & Latham removal

waiting for him to come out of surgery..being so sad about changing the way he looked

dr coming out and telling us how things went, saying Luke's nose was a little dimpled

seeing him for first time -I will never forget, how I felt at that moment
(and having a photographer there documenting the whole experience-priceless photos)

coming home & Savanna being so sad about how he had changed

arm restraints

smooth sailing except for ear infections-knowing we did not have to go back until the fall

big boy, no growth problems

preparing for palate surgery

handing him over for his palate surgery ear tubes & a little lip revision

waiting for him to come out of surgery

its taking too long for him to come out of surgery- why have they not come for us yet?

being angry & throwing his legs

his searching eyes

feeding again

follow up steroid shot

last appointment, knowing that was it, until he turned 5

So here we are... 5 years later
We have made the appointment for his nose repair, 1 month from today
We are sticking with same surgeon (but he has moved to California)
We are talking with Luke openly about having surgery
When we asked him why he was going to have a surgery he said "because my nose is so low"
(we have never ever talked about his nose being low- interesting for him to put it into words.)
Dealing with the feelings of changing "his look" again.

This is a very exciting and strange time.

We wonder how it will all go.
How will Luke be coming out of the anesthetic this time?
How will he be with not touching his face?
How long will the recovery be?
How will our other children react to Luke going into surgery, and me needing to take care of him?

I can feel the calm come around me though, as I ponder things, and realize I need to let go.
Knowing that our Father in Heaven is aware of our needs.
My job is to just go with the flow. Let things roll.
As the Mom, I will be setting the tone of our trip.
Prepare for what I can prepare for. Make the trip as fun as possible for the before, and as relaxing as can be after.
And be so grateful that we will have another 3 years until his next major surgery.


Meghan said...

What a handsome boy. They grow so fast. Good luck with everything.

Michelle A. said...

Alisa, what an ordeal for you and your family. It must have been so exhausting to see your son everyday go through this. It's true in times like this that there is some extra peace for you and I'm happy you are feeling calm - as I'm not sure how I would be. Your son is such a brave boy and I sincerely hope everything goes as planned.

Kim Sue said...

what a big guy! i know he will do great and you will too.

Hilary said...

What a sweet, tender post. Thanks for sharing your story. He's a darling boy and so brave. You too. Good luck with the upcoming surgery.

The PiƱon Family said...

He is beautiful, and perfect. What a blessing he is.

Pat Lessly said...

Jay, thank you for sharing this with me. I was so touched by your sweet family. He is so cute - I will keep him and all of you in my prayers through the surgery.