1st day of school!

All four of them ready to go! There was so much excitement that morning. I don't know who was the most excited. Savanna entering high school, Jack entering middle school, Luke getting to have a brand new teacher in the middle of the elementary, or Tucker starting pre-K.


Savanna-9th grade- and finally carrying a back pack! (more on that later!)


Jack -6th grade- and his many faces of Jack shirt. Love that Jack (both of them!)


Luke-3rd grade- and two of his favorites on the shirt ... Lego and Star Wars. The only thing better would be to have had that with a mix of Harry Potter and a few books thrown in.


Then there is Tucker. Pre-K and proud as can be. He carries that school issued bag with pride.


We really did have a good morning getting everyone ready to go. We all got in the car to drive to school. As we got closer we started talking with Jack and Savanna about where they wanted to be dropped off. Or did they want to park and walk in with the rest of us? Before they could answer Tucker piped up "Hey- you can just drop me off." We all laughed. But he was completely serious.

Once we got inside we could hardly keep up with him. He owns this school, don't ya know? He wasn't trying to get away from us, he just knew where he was going and was excited to get there!

We love his teacher. She student taught in Jack's class when he was in 2nd grade. We were so excited to see his name on her class list! Tucker told us that she looks just like Cinderella but without "bright hair." He told her after a few days of school, "See, you look just like Cinderella, you even have "tute" (cute) shoes!"

(this one is blurry but so sweet- Luke was so happy for Tucker to start school, and I think just a little nervous for him. He gave him the biggest hugs before we left the class room.)

Insert crying mom photo here.
I was totally fine until I walked out the pre-K door. I got a little teary eyed, but got over it quick. I was feeling so thankful that Tucker was happy to be where he was and not crying, holding onto my leg begging me to stay, or take him home!

We had dropped off the youngest and already said good-bye in the hall to Savanna and Jack so it was time to walk Luke to class. I think he was a little mix of excitement/nervousness. I could feel his anxiety as we got him settled into the room. His teacher is new to the school (but not new to teaching) and I think Luke was not sure what to expect. We left the room with him just a titch unsure. I had to go back into the room to put his inhaler in his back pack (instead of leaving it with the nurse) and I was relieved to see his easy going grin.

That was it- in less than 30 minutes I had all of my children dropped off and in class. All my children. I was kidless for a few hours. (pre-k is just a few hours.)

Jay and I planned a Starbucks date- knowing we would be kid free. We were talking around our/my emotions of reaching this milestone. I was saying that I felt fine, things were good. And really I was. As long as I didn't really think about it.

A friend called to see how our morning went. I was fine telling her I was fine. Really I was. Until she mentioned that song by Taylor Swift. The one that had made her cry that morning as she dropped her new to high school daughter off. The song "Never Grow up." If you know what song I am talking about and you have kids that you are wanting to hold on to just a little bit longer then you might have a knot in the back of your throat. If you don't know this song- google it and read the lyrics.

Oh my- I was a crying mess.
Jay and I sat in Starbucks while I cried ... I posted this on Facebook/twitter- the day before:

"All of our kids will be in school as of tomorrow. My heart is bursting and breaking at the same time."

Then this while we were in Starbucks:
"Crying at Starbucks. 1st day of school- no kids date — with Jay Spear at Starbucks."

"Oldest started highschool, middle started middle school other middle is in the middle, and youngest started pre-k today. I was fine, really. Until that dang Taylor swift song "Never Grow Up." Now I am a mess."

It really is a funny thing. We want them to grow and learn and discover and we are so proud of them, and then the next moment we don't want anything to change. Couldn't we just have endless summer for a while longer?

Our cute barista was not sure what to think- they were out of what I ordered so she was coming out to talk with us and here we were a crying mess. We had to chuckle and explain that these were the good kind of tears. We are happy to feel the way we do.

I saw this on Pinterst and it summed up my emotional state well-
Crying doesn't indicate that you're weak. Since birth it has always been a sign that you are alive.

I am living. Bring on the school year- tears and all.

Love

I love that Jay takes photos. I love that I still have days of getting to hold Tucker when he falls asleep. I love that this photo is a still snapshot. I love that we look so calm. I love knowing what was going on behind the photo.

One year older ...

Scenes from my day. Hello 38!

2011 morning with mom +bonus photos of years past

Another year has passed since the last Mornings with Mom. Thankfully this one passed without anything memorable. (Although I think we managed to get there this year as late as in times past, and there was the same discussion with Savanna about whether or not she could come.) The most memorable thing from this year was taking Savanna a few doughnuts to her first hour after we had finished ours.

Not to worry that I don't have anything memorable from this year. I always have the memories of THIS experience. I laugh more and more with each passing year. I laugh at the things that happened that I did not write about because I was too embarassed at the time. Like how when we left the cafeteria to drop Luke off in his class before the fieldtrip I sat Tucker on a table outside the door to give Luke a kiss goodbye. It was so humid and Tucker's diaper was so full that it left a ring of moisture on the table when I picked him up. Or how when I ran home really quick (I was meeting them at the zoo) to change Tucker I found poop wiped all over the white shower curtain. I can remember feeling so completely overwhelmed and grossed out. How could this possibly be my life? I don't know if things have changed much, or if I have just grown accustomed to the mess!

I went to find photos of last year ... and the years previous:

May 2010

May 2010

May 2009

May 2009

Pictures of 2008 Mornings with Mom - Savanna's last time to go!



May 2007

May 2007

2007 morning with mom- just Savanna and Jack!

Years previous are not documented in photos but in my heart. Before we went totally digital!

Found fun

Growing up I loved to babysit. I continued doing so through high-school and after graduation. In fact that was what took me to Colorado.

There was one little boy that I loved to watch- Timothy. I worked with his Mom and she would have me come over a few days a week. He was an only child and I loved going to his house to play with him. One afternoon he came walking out of his parents bedroom with the biggest smile on his face. He proudly showed me a new car. He was so excited to tell me all about it. How many pistons it had and what kind it was. He went on to tell me that he was so excited that he got it for his birthday. I loved his excitement for his new toy. It was electric. Never had I seen him so excited over any gift, or toy of his own.

The next day when I went into work I was immediately teased for letting Timothy open up his birthday presents early. I had no idea, but this little boy had been in his parents closet and found his gift. His excitement wasn't just over getting a new toy, but in the discovery of it.

Fast forward ... about 19 years. I had picked up a few things around Easter time and set them inside an armoir in my studio on the top shelf. One of the things was a play dough ice cream fun factory. Usually the doors are closed, but for some reason this day they were open. I was sitting on the floor organizing my ever growing piles of memorabilia not paying attention to Tucker. I heard him take in a breath. I looked up at him and he looked back at me with wide eyes as he said "mom I found something fun!" In a Dash like maneuver Tucker found a stool, managed to get it in the room and around the piles of stuff and then wedged between a pile and the open door on the teeny tiny clear space of floor. Almost as quick he climbed up and grabbed the box and down again and started tearing apart the box. With shaking hands and quick breath he said "oh I can't wait! I am so excited!"



This is from the boy who does not care for arts and crafts, or creating things. He would much rather take something apart, or screw or nail something to a board. His excitement over finding this new toy was so fun to watch. I really think his excitement in finding it exceeded any that he would have had, if I had saved it and wrapped it up for some future occasion. Tucker and Luke played with the playdough for over an hour.




As I watched Tucker play "ice cream shop" I remembered about Timothy and his excitement. I used to feel a little guilty that he had found his present early. Now I don't feel bad that he had that moment of fun, just sad that his mom missed seeing him so excited about it.



The fun has not faded for them. They are still having fun with it. Me? I am remembering the joy of picking playdough out of carpet and scraping it off of clothes.