I was feeling a little weary this morning running around like most mom's do. It was the last day of school before Christmas break. We had a late night with Blitzen the Boogie Woogie Reindeer performance the night before. Luke was going to be having his class Christmas party today and Jack got to participate in the "living museum" as an Olympic swimmer.
I got to the school early enough to park and get inside, with time to spare to make it to the gym where Jack was going to be. I opened the doors to the school and see lines of kids- and I see kids from Jack's grade. They were leaving. My heart started to race- I rushed down the hall with the stroller to see an empty gym, and the last boy sitting on the bleachers was Jack.
Putting on his socks and shoes.
My eyes burned, my throat started to sting "Please don't cry, please don't cry," I told myself. But it did not work. The tears slipped over the edge and down to my cheeks. As I took a deep breath and said, "Jack I am so sorry" the leap teacher came and explained that they had to close down early due to kids being sick. At that moment Jay walks in- He was just as confused as I. We turned to Jack and asked if he would recite his part for us. And of course, dutiful, go-with-the-flo Jack did.
He held out his hand for us to "press the button" to get him to speak.
He did great- he had a lot of enthusiasm!
I had felt bad for missing Luke's Thanksgiving Feast a few weeks before and now this. It is so hard to miss things for our kids. Even when I can't help it. When something is completely out of my control. I wonder if the kids feel it too. Do they keep a tally in their minds, Mom was here for this but not for this. Or- she was there for so-and-so but not me.
The mommy-guilt. Does it ever end?