Q & A

My friend Shara interviewed me.

1. Who is someone that inspires you? Why and How?

I am inspired by many people-those that keep going and don't give in when it would be so easy to. I am inspired by those that stand up for what they really think and can do it in a calm way. Not confrontational. I am inspired by those that know what they want and go after it. I am inspired by those that make the right choice even when that is the hardest. I am inspired by those that serve others. I am inspired by those that make small consistent efforts to improve their own life, and the world around them. I am inspired by goodness, truth, light, love.
I am inspired by those that have a true smile- and who have fought through many fake smiles to get to the real smile.

2. What is one of your biggest challenges as a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom)? How do you handle that challenge?

*Other peoples judgment that I am not working. Just because I am home, and doing what I have always dreamed of doing and happy about it does not mean that its not work. Somebody actually asked Jay once what I did all day in a negative tone.
*Meeting everyone's needs plus my own- I am a mom to 4 separate people and collectively to them all. But I am also Alisa. I made a mental list of things I need to do for me- that I need to stay sane.
*Getting sidetracked. I have to make lists. Lots and lots of lists.
But I think that is something that everyone faces no matter what the job title.

3. If you could sit down across the dinner table with ANYONE, who would it be and what would you talk about?

I would sit alone with Jay and talk about what it will be like when the kids are grown and gone and its back to being just us. What we want to be doing then, where we want to be. We would talk about how to stay close now so that we will be close then. We would enjoy this dinner very much. And it would be here at our own table and not out to eat.

4. What do you think the teenaged you would think of the adult you?

Would I know that it was me? I guess it depends which moment she saw me. If it was last night at the mall with all 4 kids as they were playing chase in the store, and saw Tucker coming out of his shell and the mom having no control of anything hmmm she would probably be a little judgmental. If it was on a good night and all the kids were bathed and in jammies and smelled so yummy and the music was playing she would think that life was perfect and she would
want to watch those cute kids on the weekends.
If I knew that it was me I would be so glad that life was happy. That life could turn out better than it was then. shudder- I would not go back to that time of my life.

5. What advice would you give her and what advice do you think she would give you?

*I would tell her that the earlier the better to get in the habit of exercising. To avoid debt.
That life really can be happy- don't give up. I would also tell her that its ok to not know what she wants to do in life besides be a mom. That going through pregnancy, childbirth, nursing, having a child with a cleft, would all lead her to know what she wants to do when she "grows up."
*I think the younger me would tell me to not cut my hair yet, wait because if you go short again, now you will probably not go long again. And she would tell me "go ahead and have another baby- what are you waiting for." She would ask me why I was so white!

Thanks Shara- very thought provoking questions.
Anyone want to be interviewed by me?

The directions:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. Have fun with it~!

And let me know when you've posted so I can link readers.

Question & Answer 3

Julie asked "How did you and J. meet? What was your courtship like?"

I will write my version...and I have asked Jay to add his version, without reading mine. Let's see how close these 2 end up at the end!

Jay and I met in Colorado. I was there, living and preparing to go on a mission. I had my papers ready and was not looking to date or get involved with anybody. Jay was home from Ricks College, and was getting ready to go to BYU- he had just come out of a relationship - He was not looking for a relationship. I think that is why things clicked so quick with us, we were not "trying" to make things work.

We met at church- actually we met a year earlier than that. My roommate worked with him-he was there for the summer, and brought him to our lunch. We sat outside of where I worked and ate subway sandwiches on the sidewalk. (I worked at a drycleaners)
Fast forward about a year later. March. He came to church late. Saw a space between me and a "friend" and squeezed his way in between us.

That night we were at a fireside at church and he was "dared" to ask me out. He called me that night and asked if I wanted to go out on Monday night, that way, if we had fun we could go out again that week.
We went out- we had fun-we went out again. We had fun. and so on and so on...He was funny. He was sincere. I could be myself around him.
I did not realize how fast things were going. I was still planing to go on a mission.
It was the night that I went to the temple for the first time- and I just knew. I had not even asked the question to myself, but I just knew that Jay was the one I was going to marry. I found him at the end of the evening and just said with a big smile "I know"- and he smiled back and said "I do too."
That was the end of April.
He officially asked me to marry him May 2- We were married July 2- We moved to Provo that August to attend BYU- and the rest......
We celebrated our 12th anniversary this summer.



Alisa asked me not to read what she wrote. She simply asked me to write about how we came to be together.

I had returned from serving as a missionary in California in 1994. I spent the summer that year working for a company called omni point. I was invited to lunch by a coworker. We grabbed Subway sandwiches ... she grabbed an extra sandwich for one of her good friends Alisa Hodge.

We took the sandwich to the dry cleaners where Alisa worked and the three of us sat on the front steps and shared a quick afternoon lunch together.

That was the first time I met Alisa. I think how unbearable it would have been to say goodbye to her after lunch that day if I had the knowledge of the life we were going to have together in the future.

But ... but, it wasn't to be ... not that day. I am sure we were polite to each other; shook hands or whatever.

I finished out my summer and drove my green Volkswagen bus back to Ricks College in Rexburg Idaho. I had a final semester to finish my associates in generic studies that I had began before my mission.

That was an interesting semester, to say the least. I fell for a girl that I had known in Idaho in my previous years at Ricks. She and I made plans to get married early the next year. You can guess that it didn't work out. And the reason why I bring this up within the context of this story is that this put me in the mindset that was just right for meeting up with Alisa the second time around.

I was back home winter / spring of 1995 ... working, preparing to go to BYU that fall. I went to church one of my first few weeks back from college. I think I was a little late and the meeting had already started.

I found a seat next to a friendly face, that girl Alisa I had met the summer before. I don't remember the talks in the meetings that day. I do remember easy, smiling, quiet conversation with Alisa.

I ran into her again that night at a church fireside. With a little coaxing from the guys standing around me I asked her to go on a date. I told her we should go out early in the week ... in case we had a fun time we could make the most of the rest of the week and go out some more.

I looked at this comment simply as me expressing my confidence that things would be fun and she would most certainly want to go out with me again. It's funny but she saw the other side of this and we laugh about it now and then.

Alisa heard me say, "[If] we have fun, we can go out again this week." Which made her think I was questioning whether we would have a good time or not.

So, we went out and had a great time. We had Italian for dinner and then spent an unusual amount of time slow driving through crowded mall parking lots looking at parked cars we thought we would want to own. Then we went and rented The Lion King on VHS at Blockbuster and watched it at my house.

That was the first in a whirlwind of great dates with Alisa. The next couple of months included but were not limited to ... our first kiss, slow dancing when ever and where ever we could ... usually in my kitchen while waiting on the waffles ...

We made and ate waffles quite often and at random times of the day.

I remember that growing connection with Alisa ... you know how that goes ... taking 43 minutes to say goodbye at the end of the date ... as if I was heading off to war. Four words - I fell in love.

And the really great part about this was that I was [not] going to fall for another girl any time soon, you see! Because I had just done that, only to have it end in a rather unpleasant way.

So, you see, my guard was down. Or, in other words, I was the true Jay Spear. I was not some nervous ball of twine psychoanalyzing every interaction between the two of us. I did not play mental chess in our relationship because I didn't think I needed to.

By the way, she fell in love with me too. I asked Alisa to marry me [in] the Denver Temple. Dinner and a date to the temple makes for a wonderful evening, and we managed to do this a number of times.

She agreed and after a brisk springtime courtship we were married July 2nd 1995.

There is more to tell, obviously! I reserve the right to edit this post with a few other tidbits when time permits.

Jay

Question & Answer 2

Julie asked:

What is your typical daily schedule? I am a gleaner of ideas and love to see how others do it "all."

I think I will tell you the way we would like things to be.
We are a normal family like everybody else. What we want, and what we get is sometimes opposite!

6 AM wake up rested
(most days I get up sometime after 6 but before 6:30 Jay
wakes me up -I am not a morning person)

Wake everyone up, they do their morning routine-
some of the kids are better at this-
make bed, get dressed,
personal prayer and scriptures
practice musical instruments

7-Everyone sits down to a hot breakfast
(um, no- I have to work on this!-its more like... Finally get all to the table for our morning devotional while having bowls of cold cereal.)
We do have a song & prayer, and we read scriptures together-but sometimes we do not get
much farther than a couple of verses.
Sometimes there is a good discussion, but sometimes its short and sweet.

7:25 Everyone finishes getting ready, and since I did not make lunches the night before I am throwing lunches together-

7:30- Leave to take the kids to school -On a really good-on-time- day but its usually a little later

7:40ish Drop the kids off

------ -------
Daytime stuff, errands, exercise, personal study, laundry, house cleaning, email, blogging, playing with Tucker, putting Tucker down for nap, pick up Luke, lunch, etc. etc. etc.

3:00 Pick up kids

3:20 Home and start afternoon routine
Empty lunch box and put away
Put any papers for me, on the counter.
Homework, 20 minutes of reading, practice
any instruments that are left to practice.

Then they are free to do whatever they want- (except tv) until we have to go somewhere.
Now that we have 2 vehicles and we don't leave to get Jay, it has opened up our afternoons, and evenings. We have a little more playtime, and I have a little more time to get dinner ready.
Every night seems a little different, as far as activities go.

This year, we made a big change, and that was to not schedule any of the kids activities on Monday nights. We used to try and squeeze in Family Home Evening on Sunday, and try and squeeze a game together on Monday night in between everything that we had going on. But now there is no squeezing! It has made a big impression on our family- the time that we have uninterrupted on that night is a blessing!

Our evening routine goes pretty good, I think its mostly the morning that we struggle with.
I really like to have the night time not feel so rushed, and I feel its important to read to the kids, and have a little "alone time" with each one. I am able to really find out some interesting things about their lives!

7- Start evening routine
Baths, showers, teeth brushed, clothes picked
out for the next day, Family prayer, story's and
mom time with each child on their bed.

8- Lights out for a few
I go downstairs and clean up whats left-
(Jay helps with the cleanup and kids when he is home)
Make lunches for the next day- (this does not happen-its a habit I should get into!)
After that.....everything else that needs/has to get done that night gets prioritized-
And thats it!

Was that what you were looking for?

Question & Answer 1

Julie asked ... " thought of another one, perhaps more festive. What are your favorite decorating ideas, tips, projects, websites, etc? How do you decorate and celebrate each season/event without your house feeling cluttery? Any decorating on a dime tips?
Julie "

Well, I love The Holidays! And I love themed decor. I inherited this from my mom.
When we lived with her for a year ... oh the decorating fun we had. Jay jokes about the Christmas season, and how we could not park in the garage, and how we were still decorating after Christmas, and how everyday when he came home there was another box of "stuff." Between her things and ours, we had more than enough to choose from!

I think the big thing when decorating for a holiday is to use what you love.
I think it would be better to buy, or make 1 thing that you loved, and could not wait to get out every year, than to have a bunch of so so things. Think of "building" your decor year after year. You do not have to have it done all this holiday. Add a little over time.
As you start defining your style, you will find that throughout the year you will discover things that will work for the different holidays. I found a turkey and a pumpkin that I LOVED, during the spring. I found some black beaded garland on an after Christmas sale, that I knew would be great for a Halloween display I wanted to do.

One of the best ways to define your style is to go on an "inspiration trip"- "a trend watch"
I love to go and just look- at the mall, at Target, at Walmart, at Hobby Lobby, Michaels and look at books and magazines at the bookstore or library) You name it. There is inspiration to be had anywhere. (I used to love to do this more, when our oldest 2 were little. They were such good shoppers. Enter #3 & #4 and its not so fun anymore) Schedule time to go by yourself if you need to! The internet can come in handy here, Martha Stewart, Better Homes and Gardens are 2 that are good. ( I am sure there are more! Anyone care to leave a comment of one they like?)

Look for what you can copy yourself, and what you think you really must buy. Then wait for a sale, or coupon to get it. Tell others what you like and love, you will be surprised how others find the deals for you!

Now for the clutter part..this is where deciding if you like it or love it really comes into play. If I have a lot of decor I want to put out, that I love, then I have to put some of the everyday stuff away. It is just too much to have it all out at the same time. 1 little item, not so big of a deal. But when you start pulling out boxes of things, you know its time to pair down the everyday items to make way for the seasonal stuff.

Another idea, is to have just one spot that you decorate. A mantel, an entryway table, a sofa table, a shelf in a bookcase, the top of the piano. That way its not so overwhelming having things everywhere, a little more controlled, and sometimes a little better put together.
My neighbor, does a great job with this. I love seeing her entryway table "dressed" for the seasons.

And here is one last idea, that came about from our kids.
Take photos of your favorite decorations during the holidays.
This came about after our kids were playing with the digital camera and were taking totally random shots of our home. They took a picture of each holiday decoration we had out.
Two things can happen with this.
1. You will see your decor with a different eye. You may decide, hey I really don't like that there, (or like the item at all)
2. If you love the display, you will remember how to do it next time.
Its easy to save photos, and easy to search back to "this time last year"-

so lets do a recap...
Use what you love, build over time.
Look throughout the year.
Go on a inspiration trip/trend watch.
Copy and make it yourself.
Store everyday stuff.
Maybe use just one spot to decorate.
Take photos.

Thanks Julie for the question, hope that helps!